Poem: Dubya

Dubya

Increasingly isolated,
A man sits alone stubbornly.
The fool, unable to see things.
As a world gains new clarity,
He marches forward, losing steps.

Copyright SGW 2007

My Cancer Story Continued

I get a large volume of hits from people looking up testicular cancer issues. You can read "My Cancer Story," and I hope it can be of help to people. In keeping with the spirit of that post, I would like to add on some current activity.

Since my cancer in 1999, I have gone for chest x-rays and blood work once a year(and I get my PSA every year or so, too), along with a checkup from a local Hematologist/Oncologist. I also go for an abdominal CT Scan every three years. This approach will go on indefinitely.

As some research suggests that the radiation treatment I received in 1999 could have some correlation to colon cancer down the road, I have also had two colonoscopies in the last several years. As the last one did not show any polyps, my gastrointestinal doctor advised on another one in ten years. My Hematologist/Oncologist has not weighed in on this yet. Needless to say, I feel very strongly that people should have regular colonoscopies, and I will go again whenever required to do so.

All of these steps are, in my mind, critical and smart. I would rather know something is wrong sooner than later. The person who believes that they will stay healthy as long as they do not go for any tests or exams is, well, a fool.

Recently, my situation gave me a scare. In early October, I began to have discomfort near my remaining testicle. It turns out I have a minor hydrocele, which is not a serious problem, and a small cyst on my epididymis, also, not a problem. These things have become discomforts I can live with. I discovered these things from having ultrasounds performed.

A slightly more concerning matter was the existence of some microlithiasis. Microlithiasis is small calcium pieces in the scrotum. The medical field on testicular cancer is unclear as to whether microlithiasis is a warning sign of testicular cancer, but my doctors feel that since I only have a small amount, there is no need for worry. I will go for follow up ultrasounds once a year now.

I learned some other valuable lessons during this experience. The doctor who performed my surgery in 1999 is a local urologist here in Freehold, New Jersey. He is a good surgeon, but he has the worst personality of any person I have ever known. He does not discuss anything with me unless I force him repeatedly, he is rude and short, and he tends to never tell me any good news, instead focusing entirely on the worst case scenarios.

Some examples? He never informed me in 1999 that I had a 98% recovery rate. Also, when he told me I had cancer, he never offered me ANY comfort at all; simply blurting out a "You have cancer" comment and sitting in his chair stone faced. With these recent goings on, he did not tell me that, while this needed monitoring, there was no crisis. Instead, he let me know that if cancer showed up, my other testicle would be history and I would need testosterone treatments for the rest of my life (he also added a remark about how expensive this would be).

Needless to say, I was extremely frightened. Fortunately, I had seen Dr. George Bosl at Memorial Sloan Kettering in New York City in 1999, who is arguably the best doctor in the country in the area of testicular cancers. I decided to call him again and he reviewed my information and had his second in command, Dr. Joel Sheinfeld, exam me. Dr. Sheinfeld calmed me and explained everything in a manner that displayed respect alongside a vast knowledge and expertise. Ok, so I have something that has to be monitored a bit. It is not dire and I do not need to panic. What a difference!!

The lessons are simple. If a doctor is rude, obnoxious, unwilling to communicate, and not able to see you as a human being, screw him or her; get another doctor! Also, if possible, it is always valuable to, at a minimum, allow the best in the field to offer a second opinion, if not treat you outright. I will never go to the doctor in Freehold again AND I am sleeping at night knowing I am not nearly as bad off as that doctor had me believing and am getting the best possible care now.

I am a testicular cancer survivor. I have also been through many experiences as a result of that cancer. Please, if you are reading this and have testicular cancer, drop me a comment. I won't have answers for you, but perhaps I can give you a better path to finding them for yourself.

Poem: Book Covers

Book Covers

What did I see in you?
Certainly not what is there.
Or is it gone,
Replaced,
Removed;
For you are different now;
And less.

Copyright SGW 1998

Happy Feet

Given all of the hoopla about "Happy Feet," mostly silly, anti-gay rants from the wingnuts, but also some commentary on the environmentalism of the movie, I felt it was appropriate to speak briefly on the subject.

I took my three neices to see "Happy Feet" on Christmas Eve. To be honest, I wanted to see it perhaps more than they did. It looked wonderful. Sadly, I left disappointed.

First, the graphics were superb. The animals all seemed so real at times, especially the orca. Also, the generic story for the kids was at times cute and fun. Plus some of the characters were wholly lovable, particularly the little "latino" penguins.

However, the movie brought much in the way of darkness, and for children, at times, it was a bit too intense. There are two particularly scary scenes, one involving the orca and the other a sea leopard.

Also, the idea of the penguin going into a stupor of depression near the end, where he sees images of his family disappear, and then throws a fish at a wall where they stood, as if he had lost his mind, was a too much for a cartoon.

The idea that this movie is promoting a gay agenda is silly. Cartoon movies have often put forth the concept of accepting those who are not the same as everyone else. If it was homosexuality in this one, or just someone who had a different take on living life, so be it. There was nothing threatening, and it was lost on the kids anyway. I think anti-gay rhetoric is simply homophobic, stupidity at its lowest. Maybe some of you wingnuts can just come out of the closet already and get over it!

I heard someone say that this movie could have been written by Al Gore. I agree. The environmental message, while I concur with it 100%, was, again, a bit over the top for a kids flick and just plain too much for me, given the arena. Cartoon movies should teach with some measure of subtlety. "Happy Feet" was completely in your face. When going to see a cartoon, you want something a bit lighter.

In conclusion, "Happy Feet" has its cute moments and is not a bad movie. The anti-gay nonsense is exactly that. However, "Happy Feet" gets carried away, and for that, had me less than thrilled when leaving the theater.

Poem Three Thousand

Three Thousand
(Dedicated to George W. Bush)

The cause was a lie.
Three thousand dead.
As loved ones will cry.
Three thousand dead.
Qaeda connected?
Three thousand dead.
Fear resurrected.
Three thousand dead.
Mission diverted.
Three thousand dead.
Purpose perverted.
Three thousand dead.
Threats were illusion.
Three thousand dead.
Neo-collusion.
Three thousand dead.
Terror’s now breeding.
Three thousand dead.
Absence of leading.
Three thousand dead.
A country on fire.
Three thousand dead.
Behold, a quagmire!
Three thousand dead.
Damage unending.
Three thousand dead.
Numbers ascending ...

Thousands more dead?

Copyright SGW 2006

Damien Rice

I love music on so many levels. It inspires me, soothes me, breaths life into my poetry, and is a peaceful place to exist within. I am listening to Damien Rice's latest CD, "9," which just arrived on my doorstep, and, oh man, is it good! His previous effort, "O," is arguably the best album ever made for my money, but this one is amazing, too. Rice is unique, diverse and filled with so much depth.

I do not feel worthy of reviewing Damien Rice's work. All I can tell you is this: Buy "O" and "9." You can't love music and not have these two albums.

Poem: Fear or Pleasure

Fear or Pleasure

Standing in the water
Violently beating surf
Fighting it -
Knocked,
Battered,
Beaten.
Left with weighted pockets of sand.

Standing in the water
Passionately striking surf
Flowing with it -
Moved,
Taken,
Healed,
Enriched.
Left with cleansed ocean senses.

Copyright SGW 1998

Poem: Pointless Pretending

Pointless Pretending

Flowing of words needs releasing
Static of life is increasing
Silent, the pen sounds a warning
Night won’t relent to the morning
Wasteland of empty expression
Mind sinks to numbing depression
Body and soul torn asunder
Empty, the heart’s lost its wonder
Poet can’t speak through the shouting
Once there was hope, now there’s doubting
Love is no longer existing
Achings and pains are persisting
Story of sadness unending
Search for a pointless pretending.

Copyright SGW 2006

Melody Gardot: Worrisome Heart

Curl up on the couch (in my case, with the cat), light some candles and hit the play button - Melody Gardot might have a "Worrisome Heart," but she talks about it with a voice that combines uncommon depth with gentle, soothing textures. Gardot's is a blues/jazz sound that is smooth and yet also raw and impassioned.

The layers of Gardot's songs are blended together within an at times playful, tenderness, and at other moments a sultry, slow and seductive undercurrent. Joined by superb musicians, which includes Gardot's own guitar playing and some down right fine piano (particularly on "Quiet Fire"), Gardot puts forth an effort that will take you to a dark, musty bar somewhere buried away inside the places where the heart resides. She sneaks up on the listener in many cases, with a finger snapping beat. However, at other times, such as on "Wicked Ride," Gardot tugs at the deepest elements of the soul.

In reading the liner notes of "Worrisome Heart," or on her website, Gardot mentions a terrible accident she suffered involving her and a jeep. She has obviously been through a tremendous challenge that only serves to enhance what she has accomplished here. "Some Lessons" touches upon the experience, but in a way that is inspiring and promising. One cannot help but to admire Melody Gardot for her strength.

Nothing I can say will do Melody Gardot true justice as an artistic talent. The only thing I can recommend if you want to connect with an amazingly gifted singer/songwriter of the blues/jazz genre is to buy "Worrisome Heart." Do it now! Melody needs a pair of pants (read her myspace site).

Poem: Gone

Gone

The long goodbyes will never end
A breaking heart that cannot mend
The strongest will does break and bend

The empty soul has simply died
So starved for love that’s been denied
Discovered truth had also lied

The dreams once sure have washed away
Replaced by thoughts of yesterday
A bed’s gone cold where once we’d lay

Copyright SGW 2006

Poem: Cry Tears

Cry Tears

I cry tears
Drops of joy loving you
Cleansing streams down my cheek

I cry tears
Not sad ones today
Awash, my tears swim
Gliding along contours of a face
With an ear to ear grin

I cry tears
Whether real or imagined
The heart of a streaming river
Beautifully woven into a tender path

I cry tears
And they are warm
They are sweet
I cry tears that speak ... I love you, I love you, I love you ...

Copyright SGW 2005

Colonoscopies

Anyone who reads this site knows about My Cancer Story. One of the things that has come along with my post-cancer experience is the need for keeping on top of my health. I see my oncologist every year for a Chest X-Ray and blood work, go every three years for a CT-Scan, get a physical every year and a half that includes a PSA, and I get a colonoscopy every three years or so.

A lot of people are afraid of colonoscopies, or they simply figure they are an unnecessary hassle. What they are, are potential life savers that will either provide for a clean bill of health or find problems before they become far more dire. Any procedure has a risk attached to it, and a colonoscopy is no different. However, if you are in your forties or have a family history that suggests an earlier need, a colonoscopy is a wise choice.

They are not too bad either. The day before prep is pretty shitty (pun intended), but beyond that, you get an IV, go to sleep, wake up a little bit later and go home with a bit of bloated gas.

I urge people who should be scheduling colonoscopies to do so, and soon. To ignore something does not mean it is not there.

Poem: Write A Poem

Write A Poem

Could write a poem
Reeking of frustration
Showing itself in resignation
A sense of pervasive despair
And anger would flash
Reckless wrath in all directions

Could write a poem
Dripping in sadness
Melancholic suffering formed
Revealing uncontrolled impatience
Shadows of time's eclipse
An "alone" unmasking oldness

Could write a poem
Where destiny intersects
Cursed to failure
A hopeless unhappiness
Given to an enduring beat
Rhythmically repeating "Not for you, not for you"

Could write a poem
Yes, I could write a poem

Copyright SGW 2006

Being a patriot

"We used to look at environmentalism as a hobby for the high-minded. But conserving energy and living a "green" lifestyle is actually the most patriotic thing you can do today. It fights global warming, protects nature, shrinks our dependence on foreign oil and makes America a model others want to follow. Green is the new red, white and blue."

- Thomas Friedman

I came across this and I find it to cut right through to a definite truth. I am not saying any person can be perfect in their environmentalism. I am not myself by a long shot. A lot of the paths are too expensive for the average person at this time. Also, society can make things close to impossible sometimes.

That said, don't come singing to me about patriotism if you make no effort at all to conserve, protect and nurture our natural resources. Driving inefficient vehicles, promoting over-development, tossing cigarette butts on the sidewalk, not trying to recycle in even the smallest way, or not showing a genuine respect for life that is truly alive (that means forests, rivers, wildlife, etc...,) are all threats to the long-term health of this country (not to mention the planet). No terrorist can ever do as much damage to our way of life as we do each day ourselves by not being red, white, blue ... and green.

Poem: The Rain

The Rain

I am the rain
I love the rain

With soaking touch
I am the rain
Of sweeping reach
I love the rain
Through quenching breath
I am the rain
By puddles formed
I love the rain
To flowing streams
I am the rain
From beating drops
I love the rain
In rhythmic strokes
I am the rain
This rainy day

I love the rain
I am the rain

Wind blown trees
Broken branches
Luminous puddles form
Rain beats down with endless vigor
Grayed skies show no sign of relenting

The rain ... the rain ... the rain

Cold skirmishes with alerted hairs on exposed arms
Drops trickle down a smooth cheek

I am the rain

Copyright SGW 2006