Poem: Man On The Can

If any male reads this and wants to comment negatively, think twice, buddy; there's not a guy that does not read in the bathroom. Women; feel free to shake your heads.

Man on the Can

The moment comes at once to a head,
Where nature will invariably call,
Then off goes the male to the bathroom,
To read; this is true of us all.

We seemingly spend hours turning the pages,
Whether the papers or comics or mags,
Off on our porcelain study,
Long after nature’s call often lags.

I’m not sure why the toilet provides this,
For some reason it just seems some place ideal,
Twenty minute clips to peruse any article,
Is the least each American male will steal.

And it is funny to mention this also,
But sometimes there’s no reason to go,
We just wish to check out the latest in Newsweek,
And the bathroom’s the quietest place that we know.

Females never will get it,
“He went in there and now it’s an hour,”
The place just kind of provides us a haven,
That is beyond any rational power.

In the most dire and desperate of circumstances,
Even cereal boxes occasionally will do,
Medicine jars, shopping lists or pizza menus,
Long as there’s some words we can eagerly view.

I’ve long believed as an educational measure,
Toilets in classrooms rather than desks and a chair,
I guarantee every male would be hungry for knowledge,
Because the reading throne that they need would be there.

So, this is the American male,
Although I am now told it’s universally given,
Any man on the can it can be spoken,
To be reading, while sitting, is driven.

Copyright SGW 1997