No, they are not sisters. They are Patti Bramson and Karen Anne, and these two women can sing and play with an almost angelic beauty. They play Martin guitars and like to make light of their blondeness, but what makes them special is the exquisite harmonies that they bring out. Singing a mostly folky sound, they mix in a wide array of covers and original material. Patti and Karen bounce back and forth between guitars and bongos throughout their sets, further displaying a wide range of musical talent and dimension.
My favorite tune is an original by Karen called "Love in Action." It puts her soft, gentle voice together with lyrics that reveal one of life's greatest truths discovered in the hardest trials of life; to love deeply. You will also hear songs by Indigo Girls, Joni Mitchell, John Hiatt, John Prine, and countless others, all performed with the effortless grace that the Martin Blondes put forth.
See them play and you are guaranteed to go home with a smile on your face and a warm spot in your heart.
Sunday, March 6, 2005
The Martin Blondes
Ten People who should disappear
With the news covering Martha Stewart and Michael Jackson being non stop on the part of the MSM, it made me think of the top ten people in America who I would like to see vanish from the public eye. I disqualified all political figures. Who are these vile creatures? In no particular order:
1. Donald Trump: He is ugly, obnoxious and completely full of himself. Watching his show for me is a violation of the Geneva Conventions. I see him and I think - human vomit.
2. Michael Jackson: Is he even human? A walking freakshow and quite possibly a child molestor, he has not even made a reasonably, good album in twenty years and grabbing his crotch seems to have become hist best dance move. He seems to even have infected Janet with his insanity.
3. Martha Stewart: From all accounts she is a mean and vicious woman who puts on her happy face to rake in the dollars. Does she really have anything to do with this homemaker crap she tries to sell? She is a law breaker; it's as simple as that.
4. Larry King: The biggest kiss ass in the media, there is no softball question he will not ask. He is a pitch man for various products and I can't see why. Do you trust his opinion? I do not.
5. Britney Spears: At first, she was a teeny bopper who could not sing, dance or complete a sentence. Now she is a Madonna wannabe combined with trailer park trash AND she still cannot sing, dance or complete a sentence.
6. Sean "Puffy," "Puff Daddy," "P Diddy" Combs: Ok, he is a brilliant marketer. Anyone who can sell "Puffy" has to be good because he has less talent then Britney and has yet to find a song whose riff he will not steal. Is there a video of one of his acts he has not been in? The fashion sense of someone who got dressed in the dark just adds to his nothingness.
7. Rush Limbaugh/Sean Hannity/Bill O'Reilly/Ann Coulter: Essentially one person, these four can't equal up to one brain between them. They lie, distort and slander. They promote fear and hatred. They are small people whose smallness is equaled only by those who subscribe to their idiocy.
8. Dr. Phil McGraw: Talk about cracker jack psychologists. This guy is scary because people actually believe he has a clue. He is the definition of dickhead. In my gym, Oprah used to sometimes be on the TV with no sound. When Dr. Phil was on, even with no sound, you could just sense what a dickwad he was.
9. Dick Vitale: The mouth that would not shut up, Dicky V. makes it hard to get through even a Duke - North Carolina game. He yells, he screams, he thinks he is bigger then the game. His PTPers and jumping from subject to subject can lead a sane person to throw large objects at the television. The worst part of Vitale is that while he knows all the names, his analysis of college basketball is pathetically poor.
10. Paris Hilton: She inherited money up the whazoo, but little else. Hilton is an empty slate, not attractive, down right cheap and sleazy, and has never done anything of value in her life.
These are my top ten most vile creatures in America. Please, someone make them go away.
Saturday, March 5, 2005
The life of a cancer survivor
You survive cancer; you go through the years of Chest X-Rays and blood tests; you get a cough and you wonder; you have a stomach ache and you grow concerned. Mostly, you live your life and you go forward, but there will always be those moments that seem innocuous to others that can tear you apart.
Having just gotten through my six year check up a few weeks ago, I was scheduled for a CT Scan, which is following guidelines. The scan would cover my abdomen and pelvis and involves a dye contrast and IV. It really is not the worst thing in the world, and as far as cancer check ups in February go, it beats having my doctor grab my crotch looking for anything suspicious. Granted, hands down in that neighborhood can be quite welcome, but Doctor Ken’s are not on my list of desired visitors to my nether regions.
I had the CT Scan a week ago. I got a copy of the report on Thursday and have left two messages for my doctor to call and discuss one area I have questions on. I remember him mentioning small lesions, or was it one lesion, in my liver years ago. He had said that they were common in people and nothing to worry about for the most part.
Still, the report says there are two of them, and I cannot remember if he said there were two way back when. I don’t have copies of the two previous CT Scan reports, which is unlike me not to get all paperwork, so I can’t check measurements either.
His staff said he makes calls in the evenings, and he would definitely call tonight, but it is 8:37 already and the phone is silent.
You start to wonder again. Does he save the hardest calls for last? Did he forget you? Why did the radiologist not compare the film to one of the two scans I had done 6 years ago? I did one of them with this place then, but the report says that they had nothing to compare to.
You watch the clock; you wait; you get annoyed; you get scared. Why hasn’t he called yet?!
The phone rings and its your mom looking for the same information you are waiting for. You’re annoyed because you wanted the call to be the doctor.
He finally calls at 10 P.M., and says they are probably cysts and nothing to worry about. However, there was only one of them 6 years ago. He admits that he should have had you send the old films for comparison and apologizes. He suggests you do that and get an amended report with the comparisons.
It is Saturday morning now and I will go soon to drop off the film and then wait all week for the amended report. I am thrilled with the prospects of worrying all week.
Update: For those of you who wished me well and crossed your fingers, I have happy news today. The comparison report says the two cysts are stable dating back to 1999 and are likely nothing. I don't have the reports from 1999, so I am unsure why my doctor said there was only one six years ago, but I will take the good news and run with it!
Yay!
Thursday, March 3, 2005
Poem: A Blogger
A Blogger
What is a blogger
This curious creature
Typing these postings
Whatever they’d feature
New age transcribers
Town criers of message
All varied topics
In all different dressage
Some are progressive
Others tilt to the right
Blogs for describing
Any person’s delight
Sites built for gossip
Or random portrayal
Those who lack subject
But rant in detail
Hobbies of interest
Expounding on fashion
Journals of living
Ideas breathing passion
Lest there’s forgetting
Even cats join the fray
Pictures are posted
On a cat blogging day
Back and forth banter
Via comments and polls
Sometimes intruding
The innocuous trolls
Checking the meter
Or search who is linking
Look for discussions
What others are thinking
Blogging’s obsession
Consumes to distraction
Once you’ve submitted
Perceive the attraction
Copyright SGW 2005
Sunday, February 27, 2005
Bob Roberts
Every so often in the mid to late 90's, when right wing Republicanism sickened me, I would watch a great movie, "Bob Roberts," and think, "Well, at least we are not as bad as this." The false patriotism, hollow religiosity, subversion of the media, sloganeering, manipulation, greed, and alteration of fact that represents Bob Roberts is a frightening portrayal. The criminal actions going on in the shadows around him, his puppet master and stepford wife, the fanatical, mindless followers who see him as a messianic figure, and the lazy and ignorant news commentators were all symptoms of the Bob Roberts disease.
His was a campaign of throwing false allegations against anyone who opposed him. Secret wars were funded through illicit means. Business interests served as the driving force for all actions taken. There was a "conspiracy of silence."
I had not watched "Bob Roberts" in several years. Today, after its completion, I find myself realizing that the fictions of this movie are not beyond the realities of the country we live in now. It occurs to me that Bob Roberts simply represents Bushism with a guitar.
Heroes of Poetic Leanings
Ok, I have been on a bit of a list making kick of late. I like lists. What can I say. Today's list consists of the people of history and my universe that hold a place of greatness in my mind.
Lance Armstrong: Yes, there is no denying his failings, as he left his wife for a rock star after she endured the trials of in-vitro fertilization and he tends to be a bit full of himself at times. The fact remains that he should have died. Attribute his health to science and great doctors, but his strong will to live has rarely been matched. No one works harder at his trade than Lance and he has spent an equal amount of energy helping others with cancer through his Lance Armstrong Foundation. He is a role model to more cancer patients and survivors than can be counted; as can be easily seen by all the yellow "Livestrong " bracelets out there today.
Robert Kennedy: He was the moral compass in his brother's administration. Bobby led the push for civil rights in the south and saw the value of working with Martin Luther King. He was idolized in the Third World because of his compassion and open mind. His uncompromising principles made him a leading voice against organized crime and the corruption of J. Edgar Hoover. Those same principles made him a strong advocate in the battle against poverty. When King was assassinated, he single-handedly stopped a riot in Indianapolis when blacks everywhere else were in a justifiable state of fury. He is often viewed as the last politician who could have brought blacks and whites together.
Thomas Jefferson: The writer of the Declaration of Independence, the Notes on the State of Virginia and the Virginia Statute for Religious Freedom. Governor, Secretary of State, Vice President, Ambassador to France, convention delegate, and, of course, President; a presidency that brought the Louisiana Purchase, defeat of the Barbary pirates, the abolishment of the slave trade (although he was a slave owner), and the reduction of the Revolutionary War debt. He was a scientist, gardener, philosopher, explorer, poet, architect, and much more. His last great achievement was the creation of the University of Virginia.
Nelson Mandela: His selflessness is without equal. His unwillingness to submit and compromise on principle almost unhuman. A brilliant lawyer, he became the heart and soul of a people by sacrificing his freedom in the fight against apartheid. At no point did he betray his countrymen in any form. He was unbreakable for nearly thirty years and brought down a government through his strength, courage and patience. Even in freedom, he never lost the trust of the people and stayed true to his ethics and morals.
Joel W., STP's dad: He was not just my dad, he was my best friend and role model. He tirelessly devoted virtually every free moment he had to his family or to community children. He coached sports, ran recreation leagues, paid poor kid's expenses, befriended every child in my town, and was first and foremost a teacher. He loved people. With the neighborhood kids, he played sports with us and snuck up from behind, pinched our calves and barked like a dog. It got us everytime. In a restaurant, he could small talk with every person at every table. A trip to 7-11 lasted three hours as whoever he ran into would spur a two hour chat. His good heart knew no limit and the love he gave was reflected in his death. The funeral home claimed to never have experienced such a large crowd, the car line to the cemetary lasted for miles and the letters poured in for months. Everything he was is everything I wish to be.
Malcolm X: It is easy to look at Malcolm X and see the firebrand who hated whites, claimed "the chickens had come home to roost" when JFK was killed and seemed to promote violence, but the reality of Malcolm X is much more than this surface image. A criminal in his youth, he educated himself and became a man of conviction and integrity. While others got wealthy in the Nation of Islam and were corrupted, Malcolm stayed true to the intentions of the organization. Devoted to his people, he promoted strength as the only way of self-defense against a society that was beating down blacks, physically and societally. What made Malcolm special, though, was his ability to grow beyond what he was the day before. Slowly, he realized that Elijah Mohammad was corrupt, so he broke away and remained faithful to a righteous cause. He began to understand that many whites were not devils and genuinely were allies in the fight for equality. Near his death he was drawing closer to Martin Luther King and more moderate elements, both black and white. He was never satisfied; always seeking out new information and increased knowledge so that he could become a more complete person. He changed from Malcolm Little to Malcolm X to El-Hajj Malik al-Shabbazz in more then simply name.
Saturday, February 26, 2005
Poem: Winter's Sky
Winter’s Sky
A winter’s sky
A winter’s night
The winds are dry
In endless blight
A passing storm
A blanket snow
The fleeting warm
To icing flow
A distant sun
A masking cloud
The day is done
Of winter’s shroud
An empty time
A quiet pause
The wretched grime
Which never thaws
A winter’s sky
A winter’s night
The silent cry
For summer’s light
Copyright SGW 2005
Tuesday, February 22, 2005
Poem: The Bush Doctrine
The Bush Doctrine
Borne in deception where lies fed a war
Iraq was a crisis self-imposed to the core
Unreasoned destruction formed by treasonous action
Neo-con zealots in their radical faction
Opportunities faltered to strike the root of the terror
Relied on militias in our Afghani error
The course of the problem drifts once more toward a failing
Though we speak of success it’s a fool-hearted hailing
Pushed to a corner by our stubborn emissions
Two axes of evil form their nuke-plan admissions
Terrorism spreads through the friends that we coddle
Egyptians and Saudis have their hands on the throttle
Oppressing their people while condoning fresh hate
Wahabbism’s flourish in the mosques seal our fate
Antagonism grows as we trample the world
With the path we are lost down ever slowly unfurled
Soon be discovered what the Bush plan has crafted
Our sons and our daughters off to wars will be drafted
Imperialistic design won’t let freedom take hold
Democratic ideals lose their hope bought and sold
Copyright SGW 2005
Monday, February 21, 2005
Rating the Presidents
Having read biographies on most of the presidents, and being fascinated with Presidential history, I thought I might humor myself some today. Here is a listing of one person's top five, bottom five and three most underrated presidents.
Top Five:
1. George Washington: It all started from scratch with Washington and he was the setter of much precedent. He was able to begin the United States in effect. He kept the nation together as President when he was perhaps the only man who could do so. Washington also kept the U.S. out of "foreign entanglements" and at the time, that was critical. His appointments, particularly of Hamilton and Jefferson, eventually led to irreconcilable problems, but initially helped create the form this country would take. Perhaps Washington's greatest feat was stepping down and proving that the U.S. could have a transition of leadership without violence and would not become a monarchy.
2. Abraham Lincoln: Lincoln finally forced the nation to deal with the black mark of slavery that had haunted it since its formation, but his ultimate interest was in keeping the Union together. He asserted the strength of the Federal Government and denied the States the right to over-ride national interests. He was steadfast in his devotion to the country, stood firm in the face of civil war and kept the country from becoming broken apart. While he at first believed blacks should be removed from the country and allowed their own homeland, he still eventually became the man who issued the "Emancipation Proclamation." This greatest of documents was the effective end of slavery, although by no means was the end of racial hatred. Had he lived, I believe he would have had the strength and convictions to allow the nation to heal. He would have prevented the Congress's overly, harsh treatment of the south in the post-war Reconstruction.
3. Franklin Roosevelt: He altered the shape of the social structure of the nation and institute reforms that were the building blocks of a more balanced society. FDR also restored the country's hopes during the heights of the devastating Great Depression. His most important historical role, of course, comes in World War II. His guiding the U.S. into the war on behalf of the allied nations arguably saved the world from global fascism and terror. He stood firm at all costs.
4. Teddy Roosevelt: Roosevelt went to war with the monopolistic corporations that were dominating America at the expense of the nation's best interests and the well-being of the average man. He won. Further, he asserted the strength of the U.S. Navy to the world, stood up to mine owners, brought about the Panama canal, was an ardent supporter of the environment and parks system, effectively creating them, and added to the Monroe Doctrine his Roosevelt Corollary which stated that the U.S. would address serious issues of wrong-doing within the Western Hemisphere. He also won a Nobel Peace Prize for his role as mediator in Russia-Japan negotiations.
5. Harry Truman: Will appear again in this entry as an under-rated President, Truman was able to keep the American economy humming despite the winding down of the war machine. That is no small achievement. His Truman Doctrine and the Marshall Plan kept Turkey and Greece from falling behind the Iron Curtain and re-built post-war Europe. The Berlin Airlifts stood up to the Soviet Union and kept West Berlin "alive." He supported the creation the state of Israel and the Truman Doctrine led to the birth of NATO. There will always be arguments about his use of the atomic bomb in Japan. Was it necessary? Did it shorten the war? I come down on the side that supports its deployment, however horrible, as I believe Japan would have fought to the last man. Truman saved many American lives, and that had to be his focus.
Bottom Five:
2. James Buchanan: An economic panic would not help his standing, but he ranks near the bottom because he felt that the President had no role to play on the slavery issue. He was an observer who was not up to the role of his office and watched as events passed him by.
3. Andrew Johnson: Completely unable to compromise and deal with others, he contributed to Congress's strong-arming of the South by not being able to meet anyone "half way." He could not lead.
4. George W. Bush: Time will likely serve to cement his place near the bottom of Presidential history. Corruption, small-mindedness, divisive policies, the melding of Church and State, and stubborn denial of reality harm his standing. The lies that led to Iraq, his economic and environmental policies that only served the monied interests of the country and his lack of qualifications for the office further point him out as a terrible leader and President. Update: (12/12/15) Does George W. Bush deserve credit for the actions he took just before he left office to save the banking and auto industries? Also, much of the de-regulation that led to the economic collapse began under Ronald Reagan, and even had some moments during the Clinton presidency. However, America is on the verge of no longer being the preeminent economic power in the world. Bush's term ended in chaos. In any crisis, whether the economy or Katrina or 9-11, Bush led like a deer in a car's headlights. Add in our sullied reputation due to the Bush Doctrine, our abuse and torture of detainees, continued environmental destruction, secretive decision-making, the outting of a CIA operative, and much, much more, and you are left being forced to consider Bush among the worst presidents in U.S. history. Being virtually forced to confront the economic crisis, and writing a 3 page bill to address the initial stages, thus insuring that it would be almost impossible to prosecute anyone on Wall Street, makes it hard to credit Bush more than minimally for going against his conservative "principles" in the waning moments of his presidency.
5. Warren Harding: This is simple. His time in office was filled with corruption, criminal behavior and personal friends getting rich at the government trough.
Three Under-rated Presidents:
1. John Adams: Yes, the Alien and Sedition Acts harm his standing, but he governed in a difficult time, too. With the country splitting between France and England, he kept the U.S. out of war and ignored the venom being spewed for action from both sides. A cooler head prevailed. He also was part of the transition of government, first from Washington, and then to the opposing party and Thomas Jefferson. This can not be under-estimated in importance. Also, he appointed John Marshall to be Chief Justice of the Supreme Court.
2. Harry Truman: See above.
3. James Madison: Often criticized for entering the country into the War of 1812 and seeing the White House burn, he is viewed unfairly. A Congress unwilling to supply the necessary funding to defend the nation contributing to the country's lack of military readiness against England. Still, he perservered and the U.S. eventually won the war by not losing it. The war itself, in many ways was forced upon him by the British antagonism via impressment and in supporting Indian aggression. The ultimate victory of the War of 1812 was the changed psychology of the U.S. relationship with Great Britain, who would no longer threaten the young country again, and would now, instead, see it as closer to an equal. The war also gave the U.S. final confidence in itself and ended all treasonous talk from the Hartford Convention protagonists pushing for northern secession.
Comments:
This is based on my readings of many of the Presidents with support from a presidential survey with great detail done by over 1,000 historians.
1. Washington
2. Lincoln
3. FDR
4. TR
5. Truman
6. Jefferson (Very hard not to put Jefferson in my Top 5. He is my favorite historical figure. But he was a greater contributor to the U.S. overall than as a president. The Declaration of Independence, his work for religious freedom, the "Notes on the State of Virginia, the founding of the University of Virginia, and his counterweight to Alexander Hamilton in Washington's cabinet were all equally important measures of his historical grandeur. As a president, there is much to point to that was positive - eliminating deficits, the Louisiana Purchase, a restoration of Republican principles, etc..., There was also the negatives of his role in the tensions with Great Britain that led to the War of 1812.)
7. Ike
8. Wilson
9. Madison
10. Monroe
11. Obama (Comments on Obama)
12. Polk
13. McKinley
14. J. Adams
15. Kennedy
16. JQ Adams
17. LBJ
18. Biden - Comments on Biden
19. Jackson
20. Cleveland
21. Clinton
22. G.H.W. Bush
23. Taft
24. Hayes
25. Carter
26. Ford
27. Nixon (Yes, he was a crook. But he also opened doors to China, was strong on the environment, and was fairly moderate economically.)
28. Grant
29. Coolidge
30. Reagan (Exploding deficits and debt, high corruption, financial deregulation, environmental ruination, income disparity far outweigh "winning" the Cold War.
31. Taylor
32. Van Buren
33. Garfield
34. B. Harrison (At least he didn't die within a month.)
35. Arthur
36. Fillmore
37. Pierce
38. Tyler
39. Hoover
40. WH Harrison (How good can you be for dying as a result of your Inauguration speech?)
41. Harding
42. G.W. Bush
43. A. Johnson
44. Buchanan
51. Trump (Because Trump should not be in the Top 50. That is how awful he was.) His second term has been far worse than his first, but more on that if we still have a democracy by 2029.There is no 45 because Cleveland served non-consecutive terms.
Barack Obama - Dreams of My Father
Some day I plan to vote for Barack Obama, and I am not going to be moving to Illinois if you get my drift. With that in mind I recently completed Obama's "Dreams of My Father." Generally, when reading biographies, my preference is to wait until someone is deceased or most of their life is behind them. You get a fuller picture. Something drew me to Obama's story now.
Barack Obama is a man shaped by a rather unusual background; a mixture of African heritage and midwestern, American roots. He experienced life in Hawaii, Indonesia, New York, Chicago, and Kenya. What a diverse group of cultures to learn from.
The more Obama saw of life, the more he felt lost between a black and white world and the further disconnected he became to who he should be. In the search for his own identity, he discovered the soul of his family, and in particular his father.
He began to understand the need to adapt to newness and change, saw how power presented itself and held many people back and how doubt is a heavy burden to bare.
His organizing work in Chicago and subsequent visit to Kenya to discover his family and heritage instilled within him a drive to determine what represents a community and how one can reconcile that community with freedom.
"Dreams of My Father" is a wonderful book that explores this question and gives the reader insights into how a man of potential greatness has begun to take form. Anyone who watched Barack Obama's brilliant convention speech saw something special in him. Reading this book underlines those extraordinary qualities that he possesses and explains how they have been obtained.
Sunday, February 13, 2005
Poem: The Winter Of Our Discontent
The Winter of Our Discontent
It was the winter of our discontent,
Ethan’s better life had came and went.
Though all around had thought him more,
Then just a clerk at some local store.
While in his heart he built a stir,
Those that knew him most subtly would infer ...
How in his blood was fortune sure,
To be of wealth he could not ignore.
So the gentle heart was stripped away,
A life of integrity became yesterday.
Respect long built soon tossed aside,
For a head held high after years denied.
A price was measured to be content,
For riches gained he became hell-bent.
A childhood friend led to a death of drink,
And an offered partner betrayed in just a blink.
The steps soon taken had seized his place,
But his loving daughter he could no longer face.
He’d taught her well what goodness meant,
How could he explain to her where his heart was sent?
With courage not to face the sins he bared,
Or most of all the little girl for whom he cared.
He walked to the sea to take his life,
With just a gentle kiss goodbye for a loving wife.
But as he stood immersed in death in the raging tide,
He saw at once what his choices had since implied.
Our discontent is built of what we perceive,
What we make each day is the best we can achieve.
To his daughter this lesson must be preserved,
So as to ensure her righteousness goes undeterred.
Back home he strode for a long repent,
To endure the winter’s discontent.
Copyright SGW 1997
Footnote: Inspired by John Steinback’s classic “The Winter of Our Discontent.”
Saturday, February 12, 2005
Poem: Freedom and Justice
Words hijacked by a fool have made them devoid of meaning. Dedicated to George W. Bush.
Freedom And Justice
Freedom and justice
Words of conviction
Losing their meanings
Smothered in fiction
Lip service slogans
Used for misleading
Covers the lying
Truth’s often fleeting
Fed to the masses
Lacking discretion
Forcing a program
Mindless obsession
Thoughts put to action
A mixed up ideal
Soon is discovered
What liars conceal
Freedom and justice
Define false resolve
Senseless destruction
No words can absolve
Masking their purpose
Agendas are planned
All that’s accomplished
Is death on demand
Copyright SGW 2005
Friday, February 11, 2005
My Cancer Story
I have been asked a few times, and most recently today, about my cancer story. I could not find any reference in Poetic Leanings to where I told the entire sordid tale, so how about now. I have spoken before thousands at American Cancer Society benefits, so why not those handful of kind folks who stop by this blog and occasionally (some of you have even become friends) say hello.
I have dealt with back problems since 1998. As a result, before my surgery to deal with that issue, instead of running, I had started to ride a Life Cycle in the gym in my condo complex. One evening in late January of 1999, I road the bike and the next morning I noticed that my left testicle was larger than the right one and a bit sore, too. It was a Friday and it took me the better part of that day to really wrap my mind around what the deal was and that it was not a passing nothing. Part of me figured I bruised the little feller. Can you do that? I am a guy, and I don't even know for sure!
That night, I googled a bit and hit WebMD and I began to grow scared. A lot of signs were pointing to it possibly being cancer. Oh shit!
After back and forth worrying and talking to family, I put a call in to the urologist I had seen a few years back for a kidney stone (to know me is to know that I have seen pretty much every type of doctor this side of a gynecologist!). He told me to come to his office first thing Monday morning, February 1, 1999.
As I am a Big Brother, I spent that afternoon hiking with the boy I saw each week at that time. We hiked through a local park. Here I am, man with a giant testicle, and I walked approximately 10 miles! I am a tough bugger, no?
Monday morning, the doctor checked me out and was concerned enough to send me across the street to the hospital for an ultrasound. Nothing like having someone rub your testicle with jell in a freezing cold examination room!
Later that day, the detached and cold doctor told me, "You have cancer." Man, if those are not the hardest words to hear. The jerk offered no sympathy or encouragement. Nor did he tell me any facts or figures (more on this below). I cried for a minute or two, a nurse was supportive and then I was told what was next by that same individual.
The next day I went in to work. I am an accountant for a municipality, and at the time, the town was Republican leaning. I called everyone into my boss's office, about 25 people, and told them what was going on. Since they know I am a Democrat, I said the following: "Just because I will be leaning a bit more to the right, does not mean I will be leaning a bit more to the right." Left testicle, remember?
Wednesday was spent on pre-admission testing and Thursday I worked. The good news was that my brother in law, a doctor, has a cousin who is a urologist and he was relaying information to me. Testicular cancer has a 98% cure rate. I would be in and out of the hospital the same day. I would have a few weeks to recover, have a CT Scan and then, given the 20% chance of recurrence if I did nothing, would likely undergo radiation for a month to vastly improve the percentages. He also passed along that there are two types of testicular cancer. The first, seminoma is the better and less invasive and represents about 80% of the cases. The other type, non seminoma is more invasive.
On Friday, February 5, 1999, I went into the hospital by 7 A.M. Various prep work was done and I had my surgery around 11 A.M., if I remember correctly. When I woke up, I was so groggy and the nurses gave me some ice to chew on. My mom was allowed in and she told me that she had pried out of the doctor that I had seminoma and tests indicated it had not spread.
I went into the recovery room, where they give you some orange juice, you remain hooked up to an IV and you hope to pee so you can go home. The doctor visited and coldly said little. I kept drinking and walking around, wishing for the urge to purge. Nothing! Finally, I noticed a sign on the wall during one of my walks and turned to my mom and announced, "No wonder I can't pee! I'm not following the evacuation route!" I swear to God that I was out of that hospital ten minutes later!
You are sore as hell for quite a few days, as you can imagine. I was black and blue, but just so everyone understands, the testicle is removed from above. The incision is actually diagonally above to the left, just below my belt line.
Funny story, a female that I have always had a crush on came to visit a few days later and saw how uncomfortable it was for me to sit down. She asked if there was anything she could do to make it better. I just smiled.
I missed one week of work, had the CT Scan which showed nothing, and headed back to work. A few weeks later, I went to see the radiation oncologist. I was to undergo 17 treatments of radiation, totaling 2550 RAD. Each day after work, I drove myself to the hospital for treatments. By the second treatment, I was either spending a good 30 minutes vomiting each night or enduring dry heaves. I could have a bagel for dinner after that. Each morning, I tried to load up on food, but I still lost about a dozen pounds. I am proud to say that I did not miss any time at work until the last 1 1/2 days of treatment and then returned the following day.
I recovered for the most part in about a month, strength and weight-wise, but cancer gets into your head, too. I would have false symptoms from time to time in the other testicle. A stomach ache had to mean cancer. Finally, a bad reading on a blood test sent me into New York for a second, or third really, opinion from Sloan Kettering. I was fortunate to meet with a Dr. Bosl, who is one of the leaders in testicular cancer in the country, if not the world. I was only able to get in to see him through a referral from another patient of his whose life he saved.
Dr. Bosl gave me a clean bill of health, solid prognosis for the future and best wishes. He said everything up to that point had been done perfectly and I was going to be fine. I slowly started to believe that and the fake symptoms went away.
After all of that, I had regular appointments with my oncologist for blood work and a full check up. I also had a chest x-ray each time. The visits become less frequent over time and are now down to once a year.
I am also a trained mentor to assist other testicular cancer patients, although the chance seldom arises due to men being afraid to talk about this subject. I volunteer with the American Cancer Society in other capacities, too. One effort has been a few public speaking engagements, where I have spoken to as many as several thousand people. I performed my "Bounty of Cancer" poem on more than one occasion, and it has a great story, as part of the link, that adds to this posting.
So, here I am today, cancer free. I talk openly about this, as is obvious, and will entertain and answer any questions, either in comments or E Mails if you want privacy. I joke about it, too, so fire away. Oh, and if someone tells me I am gutsy, like, "Man, you have balls," I respond, "No, just ball."
Thursday, February 10, 2005
Poetic Leanings' Required Reading List
The list could be much longer, but this is a good place to start, if I may be so bold. The idea of this list is not to promote current offerings for the most part. I have done my share of reading over the years, and this list represents some of the best of that endeavor. Many of these books have been read two or more times by me. Anyway, without further adieu, the Poetic Leanings' Required Reading List:
Richard Adams - Watership Down
Mitch Albom - Tuesdays With Morrie
Richard Bach - Illusions
Ray Bradbury - Fahreinheit 451
H.W. Brands - The First American (The Life & Times of Benjamin Franklin)
Camus – The Plague
Noble Cunningham - The Life in Pursuit of Reason (Thomas Jefferson)
Charles Dickens - A Tale of Two Cities
Fyodor Dostoevsky - Crime and Punishment
Frederick Douglass - Narrative of a Life
Alexandre Dumas - The Count of Monte Cristo
Alex Haley - The Autobiography of Malcolm X
Alexander Hamilton, James Madison & John Jay - The Federalist Papers
Ernest Hemingway - For Whom the Bell Tolls
Khalid Hosseini – The Kite Runner
Thomas Jefferson – His Complete Works
Franz Kafka - The Trial
Erik Larsen – The Devil in the Windy City
Harper Lee - To Kill a Mockingbird
Nelson Mandela - Long Walk to Freedom
George Orwell - 1984
George Orwell - Animal Farm
Daniel Quinn - Ishmael
James Redfield - The Celestine Prophecy
J.D. Salinger - The Catcher in the Rye
William Saroyan - The Human Comedy
Arthur Schlesinger - Robert Kennedy And His Time
John Steinbeck - East of Eden
John Steinbeck - The Grapes of Wrath
John Steinbeck - The Winter of Our Discontent
Harriet Beecher Stowe - Uncle Tom's Cabin
J.R.R. Tolkien – The Lord of the Rings
Leo Tolstoy – Anna Karenina
Leo Tolstoy – War and Peace
Mark Twain – The Adventures of Tom Sawyer
Herman Wouk - War and Remembrance
Herman Wouk - The Winds of War
The U.S. Constitution and Bill of Rights
The Declaration of Independence
Scott the Poet - Just On My Mind (this one is harder to find as only 200 copies exist in the world)
Sunday, February 6, 2005
Movie: Hotal Rwanda
It is not that "Hotel Rwanda" is a good movie in the truest sense of what makes a picture something special. The story, if it were fictional, might not hold your attention by itself. Don Cheadle is superb in the lead role of Paul Rusesabagina, and deserves Oscar attention. However, this movie's relevance comes from somewhere else.
What makes "Hotel Rwanda" a film worthy of praise and commendation is its portrayal, almost as a documentary of what took place only ten years ago in Rwanda. The level of genocide at murder was immense and this movie tells that story.
I was appalled to find out that Hutus and Tutsis are not even real in their separation, but simply had these classifications bestowed upon certain members of their population by Europeans. Taller or more "European" blacks were Tutsis. How can there be hatred between two peoples because of a non-existent difference?
The strongest message of "Hotel Rwanda" is the value of a life that it highlights. The western world picks and chooses who matters and who does not. This is not Republican or Democrat, as both sides ignore Africa equally. African countries are of no strategic importance to the West, and blacks, no matter how much is said to the contrary, mean less to those non-blacks in Europe and America.
Our policy toward the world is based upon "what's in it for us."
We turn a blind eye to oppression in Saudi Arabia because of our oil interests. Despite what President Bush says, Iraq meant nothing to us from a humanitarian or democratic perspective. It was all about the oil.
Countries in Africa, and even the pacific southwest don't matter. We say "never again" when we recall the NAZI's brutal murdering of 6 million Jews and countless others, but we really don't believe it. The Khmer Rouge, Rwanda, the Middle East ... the list goes on and on, and always will, unless there is a financial or military interest involved.
That is the message of "Hotel Rwanda" that I took away with me.
