Thursday, January 20, 2011

Poem: Boo

Boo

My special friend and roommate
Belly laugh inducer
Patting my chin with outstretched paw
Demanding a scratching
Let’s crawl about together
Lie in the soaking sun
Meow at the birds

You snuggled up beside me through my multitudinous struggles
Greet me at work day’s end
Sleep by my side

Head butts and kneading

So now, you and I,
We will enjoy our time together
No more false and torturous “treatments”
Let’s laugh together while we can

And then I will remember

Copyright SGW 2011

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Poem: Incitement

Incitement

Shots ring out in the morning air
Death comes to young and old
Snuffed out by madness

Madness enflamed
Madness incited
Madness called upon
Madness condoned

With targets, speech and fear
Of violent rhetoric en masse

You called for this day
Asked for it

And it came

It came and a nine year old is gone
It came and a judge is dead
It came and left others lost
And still more, clinging to life

You – Palin, Angle, Bachmann, Perry, teabaggers
Blood is on your lips

Copyright SGW 2011

Footnote: Perhaps the Arizona shooting was not caused by the violent rhetoric in this country in any way. However, the incitement has created a climate and that is real. In that way, I find a correlation between the shooting and the inciters.

Thursday, January 13, 2011

Poem: Cords

Cords


Cords from sweatpants are cut away

Precautions of another time

Served up as a reminder

Of overwhelm and panic

Now these sweatpants with no cords fit less tightly

And am I wound less so?


Copyright SGW 2008


Posted for R.A. as a reminder that others understand, and that things do improve from the darkest moments. You simply must keep walking until you walk into a lighter space.


Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Poem: Incitement

Incitement

Shots ring out in the morning air
Death comes to young and old
Snuffed out by madness

Madness enflamed
Madness incited
Madness called upon
Madness condoned

With targets, speech and fear
Of violent rhetoric en masse

You called for this day
Asked for it

And it came

It came and a nine year old is gone
It came and a judge is dead
It came and left others lost
And still more, clinging to life

You – Palin, Angle, Bachmann, Perry, teabaggers
Blood is on your lips

Copyright SGW 2011

Friday, December 24, 2010

Poem: Black Swan

Black Swan

(Inspired by and “written with” the aid of Natalie Portman’s brilliance)


I lost myself in you

Consumed by the purity

Purity held, lost, convinced of

Who are you

Who am I

The sheltering womb consumed

Fragile lies unreachable dreams

Devouring the mind, spirit and whole

I lost me in you

In me

In this

As I reach

And grasp

Hold for all to see what I’ve attained

But what is real

But what is me

What is this

And I die

Wrapped in the blood of

Perfection’s duplicity


Copyright SGW 2010


Note: Who/what devours Nina? Is it the controlling, slightly demented mother? Is it her own innocence at war with the hunger of her just out of her grasp/within reach dream? Is it something inside her too in opposition with itself to live after it is discovered?


Note: I wrote this with uncontrolled passion. It was completed instantly. I was left exhausted and needing to re-find myself upon completing this piece.

Thursday, December 23, 2010

Poem: Festivus

Festivus

Many have Christmas for holiday cheer
And Jews with Menorahs hold Hanukkah dear
The rest of us empty of our own special day
Until Frank Costanza, non-conformed, led the way
Festivus, Festivus, the day he devised
Four major pieces, you should be so advised
A Festivus Pole stands erect, unadorned
“Tinsel distracts me,” as Frank has since warned
Airing of Grievances would begin dinner plans
The disappointment in loved ones is heard by demands
“I’ve got a lot of problems with you people,” Frank’d angrily spit
And all ‘round the table, “Now you will hear about it!”
Then holiday supper does, of course, have its role
Feats of Strength are required for the night to be whole
If Festivus strikes you as especially clever
Make checks to “The Human Fund,” a “Money for People” endeavor

Copyright SGW 2009

Friday, December 17, 2010

Poem: Contemplation

Contemplation

Out in the whispers of wishful relent
Soothed by the seasons in offered consent
Seeds of forgiveness will open the heart
Fog falls to tinker with unconscious part
Keep at a distance until left all alone
No call to reason’d forever atone
Sit with me, linger and hold tight my hand
Love knows its limits as drops of the sand

Copyright SGW 2010

Friday, November 26, 2010

Poem: Whirl

Whirl

Upon reflection
Thoughts run circles around me
And I am dizzy

Copyright SGW 2008

Sunday, November 21, 2010

Molly Venter: Love Me Like You Mean It

When listening to Molly Venter's "Love Me Like You Mean It," one is taken by the passion of a woman who is clearly "all in." Whether it is in loving, self-evaluation or simply life's dance, Molly Venter conveys her pursuit of life with unquenchable fire. Wear gloves when handling "Love Me Like You Mean It," because it is hot to the touch.

I came across Molly Venter in her new role as the third member of the Appalachia/Bluegrass trio Red Molly, who I have followed from their inception. Rather than discussing Ms. Venter's fit (perfect) within the trio, I will save those words for their hopefully next CD release.

Molly Venter's alluringly, sensual voice grips the listener immediately and never lets go. Have no fear; you will want nothing but to stick around.

Venter opens with "Shaky Ground," an introspective springboard to what is to come. Venter is clearly giving thought to who she is and might become. We can all relate, but few dig so deep and honestly as "I've been stepping on landmines and running straight into things. Now I am broken down, I am broken up, and there's no one to save me."

But maybe there is.

In "Happier Now," Ms. Venter's self-effacement - "My lips are thing/My legs are not so thin" - serves as a path to acceptance of self. I will save myself by being who I am ... and that is all right.

Molly Venter cuts straight to the heart often here. On "Love Me Like You Mean It" she is "not holding back" with her love and expects the same in return. This longing is further reflected in the impassioned desire of "Playing For Keeps." Venter always does.

And Ms. Venter is willing to laugh at her love tribulations, too. In "Tonight," she is tripping over herself, defensive and unsure. While she sings, "You like giving me hell just to see me react," one thing is guaranteed - react, she will. Could someone with such fire not do so?

In "Good Mother" and "Playing For Keeps," Venter puts forth need, fragility and longing. She is a mixture of strengthened confidence and scarred and struggling traveler. As she says on "Real Anymore," "I am this body, but I'm not. I am a walking paradox."

Yes, Molly, perhaps you are. But when Molly Venter sings and speaks to us, we are grateful for each contradiction. "Love Me Like You Mean It" is something to be thankful for, too. A great collection of songs will take you down a path of emotional passion few artists can match.

Monday, November 8, 2010

Poem: Lakeside

Lakeside

Down near the water where the world slips away
Beside whispering cattails ‘neath the sunny-sky’d day
Ducks on the current gently swim in their row
Frog in the tall grass with his trumpeted blow
As I lie on the dock, feel a nature’s cool breeze
From within all my core I’m completely at ease
Deer on the meadow lightly nibble the green
Bear and her cubs walk along down the stream
Eyes drift to clouds that are puffy and soft
Hawk smoothly glides on the winds blown aloft
Hear the sweet water of the timeless, drawn lake
I will lie in this spot for as long as I’ll take

Copyright SGW 2010

Friday, October 29, 2010

Poem: Tea

Tea

The voice of the teabagger is a voice often loud
With the signs of misspelling and the racism proud
Don’t know the issues that they’re too fool to learn
They will storm and unravel all that’s good by a turn
Strings pulled by wealthy; the big business elite
To “take back the guvmint” is the goal they would meet

For who needs tax fairness
Or Wall Street contained
And healthcare for all
Righteous goals since obtained
A mess of their making
Economic decay
Depression averted
Yet they ask a replay

An undercurrent of hatred cannot mask true intent
The far right wing mantra of a fearful relent
“Take back our country “ truly translates the pitch
Yet it’s not to what’s better, but rather white, Christian, rich
The worst of our nation with a small-minded vision
They feed on unknowing’s misinforming, revision
Of destructive contempt for any leaders who’d think
The teabagger movement wears Republican stink

Copyright SGW 2010

Friday, September 24, 2010

Testicular Cancer, PSA Exams, Prostate Biopses and other fun and games

So, I went into Sloan Kettering yesterday for my yearly post-testicular cancer check which involves a chest x-ray, blood work and testicle grab, and all is fine for another year there (11 1/2 years now). However, I have taken PSA's for a while and it was 1.3 in 2008, 1.56 in 2009 and 2.3 this month. I was concerned with the degree of increase, so I figured since I was seeing the best in the field anyway, why not have it checked?

My doctor sends in one of his underlings first. Needless to say, when I told him about the PSA's, I got the highly dreaded prostate exam. He said all seemed ok, but he called in the main doctor, Dr. Sheinfeld. Dr. Sheinfeld also gave me the prostate exam ( I felt like I had cheated on the first guy) and said everything felt normal. He said PSA's can rise for a million reasons and we could check the levels again in a few months or, while I was there anyway, I could get it biopsed and than not have the unknowns.

I agreed, so bring on Dr. Sandha, who performs prostate biopsies at MSK. I went into the room where the procedure is done and got ready. Step 1 was an ultrasound of my prostate by a technician, which is even more unpleasant than the prostate exam. That lasts about 5 minutes (Or what felt like a week to me!). Then Dr. Sandha comes in and injects me, yes in there, too, with Lidocaine to numb the area. There is a slight burn and pinch, but no big deal. After waiting about 5 to 10 minutes, still laying completely exposed as to hind quarters mind you, he comes back in and has a device that injects you and removes a sample of the prostate - about 15 times!!! Oh, and the sound and feeling is sort of like a stapler (though not that painful). I asked if he was stapling me shut!

Needless to say, far too many things were being jammed up my ass, especially since I am not a fan of having ANYTHING jammed up my ass!! I want a tattoo now, yes, on my ass, that says, "Exit Only."

After I peed, I was allowed to leave. I had to wear a pad, though, as there could be some bleeding. At this point, fortunately, there has been no blood in my urine, and only minimal, and expected, blood from the rear exit, which stopped by the next morning. I am on Cipro to avoid infections, which also will allow me to open any letters with anthrax.

The bummer is I have to wait a week to find out if I now have prostate cancer!! Didn't I fill my cancer quota already!? Hopefully, the PSA's went up for some unknown reason. Even a good biopsy, though, will likely have me getting PSA's more frequently to monitor it.

Nothing like the cancer specter hanging over your head for a week ... while you bleed out of your ass and wear women's liners.

Oh, and I should note that Dr. Sandha and his staff were fantastic. They were professional, thorough and minimized any pain. It also goes without saying that I trust Dr. Sheinfeld completely and have full faith in how he treats me as a patient.

Update: Today is Tuesday, September 28, 2010, and the doctors both called from MSK with the good news - no cancer. I will continue to monitor my PSA's, but am glad to hear the positive report.

Some interesting additional observations:
1. I do not know if it was the distraction of bleeding for a few days, the high cure rate for prostate cancer, a strong positive attitude now from years of hard experiences, or complete faith in great doctors, Sandha and Sheinfeld, but I was never panicked during this process. There was a relative calm that I would be ok no matter what and could deal with things. It is nice to know I have more inner strength than I had realized.

2. I want to re-iterate what fantastic doctors both Dr. Sheinfeld and Dr. Sandha are. I joked a lot about the biopsy above, and it was hardly a fun time, but Dr. Sandha did a remarkable job. It seems as though there are no complications for starters. Also, while aspects of the procedure were uncomfortable, it was not painful. The stapler stuff mentioned above was more a pressure combined with a creepy sound than anything else. No one should fear the procedure if done by a doctor as good as Dr. Sandha.

As for Dr. Sheinfeld, I can honestly say that I have 100% faith in the man. I trust his judgment, skill and knowledge, and I believe that was a major factor in my remaining calm throughout this process. I knew he would be taking care of me. Both Dr. Sheinfeld and Dr. Bosl, who I originally dealt with, are also great doctors because they talk to you like you are a human, in fact, like you are their friend. This goes a long way!! There are a lot of doctors, I am speaking to you William Kohlberg, who could learn quite a bit from the bedside manners of Drs. Sheinfeld and Bosl.

3. One of the things you cannot do have a prostate biopsy is have sex for two weeks. My thought on that was that it was nice to have an excuse for a change. :-)

4. I posted this entire story, as well as the other three cancer-related postings you can view down the right-hand column for a reason. I hope others read these stories and gain some solace, understanding, knowledge, and, also, appreciation for the necessity of taking care of yourself, seeing doctors when something is wrong and not pretending there is nothing wrong when something is. Here I have posted on this website about testicles, anal bleeding, prostate biopsies, and so forth, so throw the stigmas out the window, would you!? Talk openly about stuff, don't be afraid and get or be well.

Sunday, August 22, 2010

Poem: Trek

Trek

Where the clothing of expectation illy fit
An outcast self-made
I can walk alone
And do

Seem as society’s freak
Dancing to the drumbeat of the land’s rhythms
I will risk all to find all
And do

This is me
This is us
Listen
I am home
I am free

In the freedom comes understanding
And home is not so far away
Or confining now

As death takes me
Vision clears to fulfillment and peace
I can close these eyes having lived
And do

Copyright SGW 2010

Footnote: Inspired by John Krakauer’s book “Into the Wild” and Chris McCandless’s journey to life. This author would note that the poem should not be misconstrued as a calling to anyone to put their life at risk in the way that McCandless did. There are better ways to grow, learn and experience. Careful consideration, caution and wise steps are recommended.

Sunday, August 8, 2010

George Wirth: The Last Good Kiss

I’ve just finished “reading” fourteen novellas in the last couple of hours. That would be – I have listened to George Wirth’s “The Last Good Kiss” from beginning to end for the first time. Surely, anyone who has fallen into a Wirth song knows that each one is a soft chair, reading light and cherished book containing stories that take the mind to distant and imagined sanctuaries.

Wirth’s second full-length album, following “The Lights of Brigantine,” is another instant classic. His music is like that heavenly piece of land that we wish we could share with a million others, yet we are equally happy to keep this warm place somewhat hidden and reserved for those who will truly appreciate what we have here.

“The Last Good Kiss” is a compilation of Wirth’s observations of life’s struggles, tales and loves. From his dark tome to Asbury Park, “Memorial Drive,” to his subtle love song hidden behind images of Jesus Christ walking on water, “Weight of Sin,” Wirth takes us down long and winding paths that lose time and place as we turn each wonderful page.

On this effort, Wirth has brought some talented friends along for the weaving of his webs. We are graced by the fiddle of Amanda Shires (“The Last Good Kiss” and “In Your Arms”), the dobros of Abbie Gardner (Make You My Home – backing vocals, too) and Jim McCarthy (“Dreamland”) , Gardner again on lap steel (“Power Lines”), and the elusive Janey Todd (writer and co-vocals on “Dreamland). What is most interesting about these contributions comes from the sense that what each artist has brought to the songs has always been there. Each accompaniment is reserved, harmonious and comfortable in its place, as if walking side by side perfectly with Wirth’s guitar and lyrics.

“The Last Good Kiss” is also graced with some of the best songwriter found this side of Bob Dylan and Bruce Springsteen. Wirth’s aforementioned “Weight of Sin” and Todd’s “Dreamland” stand up to anything the two legends could pen. The aching “The Last Good Kiss,” the conflicted “Water on Water” and the photogenic “Easter” are other extraordinary examples of writing brilliance.

George Wirth is an artistic magician. With the help of some incredibly talented people, he has crafted an album that is required for anyone who wants to say they have the best music on their shelves. I would say more, but I am going to sit quietly and listen some more now.

Saturday, July 24, 2010

Poem: Ghost

Ghost


The ghost pulls at heart strings

Laughing its shivering laugh

Then, in escape, a scent lingers

Of a haunting possibility

The ghost chooses pain and abuse

The ghost would bask in his nothing

Nothing more than emptied soullessness

And I sit marveling at all she might be …

With me


Copyright SGW 2010